Render Your Words...

Render Your Words…

Yesterday at work…Well…Let’s just say that I did not start off on the right foot. The ironic thing is that I had read my Bible already…and I had a cup of coffee. Ha. But I didn’t let the Word sink in as much as I did the caffeine I guess. Mistake Number 1.

One thing I try to make clear to people is that I am by no means perfect. I have these thoughts and ideas and lessons that I learn, and I want to share. Some I walk out better than others…while some, well…I need extra dosages of God and prayer to keep going.

I started writing this blog because I pray that as I begin to rend myself from the things of this world and render my heart, mind, and soul to the things of God-that we can learn and walk it all out together. I know that I would say I will walk it out on my own, but what an amazing thing if I have others who join with me. So, as of yesterday…let’s just say that I proved yet again to myself and to someone else that I am just another human being who needs the forgiveness, grace, and control that only Christ can give.

James 3:2
2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

You see I like to joke, have fun, poke fun even, at those I am friends with…or even those I may only know a little. It happens to me too. I absolutely love to laugh…it is one of my favorite things to do. However, we all know that joking and sarcasm has a time and a place…and it has its limits. Growing up, I was not sarcastic at all. My mom, she can’t stand it…and she doesn’t take well to it. (Everyone who knows my mother…take notes and beware lol). But as I came to college and got around others it became more natural in my every day conversation. Some of it is really funny. However, there is a reason that the term sarcasm was derived from a Greek word meaning “to bite the lips in rage, sneer, to tear flesh, to cut”…that sounds awful if you ask me. I think there is some truth in this…that it can rip at you or dig into your heart or emotions. Some of you may be thinking that some people are too sensitive-yes this is sometimes true, but usually we only say they are too sensitive because we are too prideful to admit we were wrong in how we treated someone or in the attitude that we had toward them.

Mistake Number 2-When I opened my big fat mouth with a sour attitude and offended a friend-Kicking myself in the booty right after and knowing that my attitude was not pleasing to God.

I am thankful that my friend whom I had a sour attitude toward was willing to accept my apology. It is a different thing being on the other side of hurtful words...and I have been on both. It took me several hours before I worked up the nerve to apologize. I had to get the pride out of the way as well as the selfishness of worrying about what others think or worrying about being embarrassed.

As I discussed some of the events of the day with a friend, it was interesting to see that not everyone thinks that what I did or said was a big deal…or that it should merit me sharing with the world the little lesson that I got from it. However, I can say that if God makes it clear to my heart to do something then it must be important…if God will give my spirit unrest until I act on what he is telling me, then it is worth my time. So while what I write today may not seem like a big deal to some people, for me…it is a big deal. I want to know that I am above reproach…that I try through God’s Spirit to love as He loves and to see others through His forgiving, merciful, and just eyes. So, if I am going to do that, then God is NOT going to leave a part of my heart wanting…the little flaws that we have-they matter to God and He does not want to leave them there. Of course He is not demanding perfection to get to heaven…Praise the Lord-we would all burn in hell if He did. BUT He is commanding us to seek after Him, to follow Him, and to do His will.

I truly believe the more we seek God, the more we have to become like Him…it would be impossible to not be influenced by a God who is so big, so beautiful, so holy, so righteous, so loving, so gracious, so compassionate, and so just-it would be impossible to not experience radical change in our hearts so that even the minor little things we do whether out of selfishness or pride or lust or ___________(fill in the blank with whatever you want), have to flee…they have to go away-the HOLINESS and PURITY of God cannot dwell with sin…in the same place. That is a contradiction to who God is and who He has enabled us to be through His power. For those of you who do not know God or the Bible or Christian lingo…I apologize. You can message me if you want to. I could not think of any other way of writing my thoughts down on paper…I am pretty sure I have a limited vocabulary. :)

The funny thing is that I know one of the gifts I have through the Lord is encouragement…yet, I still fall into that hole that makes me understand the Scripture that says to tame our tongues…and the way that our words have meaning. I have never believed in the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”…that is untrue. Words…they cut you deep…to the core of your heart. And the problem is that once they escape your tongue you can’t get them back. Believe me I have tried.

Usually I think before I speak…I even overanalyze and pray about the words I want to use. In times when I am in tune with God’s Spirit, He even changes what I plan on saying to make it more of what He wants to convey. Unfortunately, there are other times that I open my mouth and the disdain that falls from my lips pierces my heart as well as the person I spoke them to. That may sound weird but I usually can feel the pains of regret in the utter depths of my stomach once I have said too much or selfishly dove into a conversation without regard to God’s heart or the heart of the person in front of me.

James 3:9-11
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

I have learned over the last five years how to control my temper, how to react in a way that is pleasing to God rather than reacting impulsively…and yet, there are still those moments when I kick myself for not having been more aware. In times of taming the tongue, we have to break away from what our flesh is telling us and render or submit ourselves to God’s Spirit. It is true that the more time we spend with God, the more likely we are to know His voice in our hearts above all others. He becomes a familiar voice and face in our lives. Imagine if you spent every waking moment with the person you love. If you ever got separated in a crowded room, you would still be able to determine their voice from amongst those around you.

John 10:3-6
3 “The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." 6Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them.

So, I encourage myself and you to spend time with the Savior. You would be able to know when He is telling you to shut your mouth…or even to apologize. I know from experience that apologizing takes humility…truly being convicted of my actions means that I am sincerely torn over what I have done and want to make a change or live differently from that point forward. But I can’t be torn over something if I haven’t experienced both sides of the fence-meaning, I can’t be convicted over something unless I am in tune with the Spirit thus leaving something inside of me in conflict.

I John 4:12-13
No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

The summary of my lesson to myself is that I have to keep abiding in the Spirit of God…Otherwise, my attitude reeks of the stench that produces sour faces, broken hearts, and battered relationships. We have to be careful of our attitudes and the words that are sown into the lives of others...even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, listen to your heart and God's Spirit.

John 14:23-27
23Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. 25"All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Breathless...

I love it...when God leaves me breathless...standing in awe of who He is and what He does because of who He is...


I find it funny, like not haha funny or even completely ironically funny…but just funny that God does not really care what I think. He really doesn’t. And for some of us, that is offensive. No time have I have looked at God and said, “God I think _______ about my life or this or that” has he said “Really? Well, I have never thought about it like that; thank you for your infinite wisdom.” See, God does not say that to me…ever.


But deep down, I am okay with that. I am okay with the fact that God listens to my cries, complaints, pleas, petitions (Read Psalm 34; Psalm 40; Philippians 4)….but that He only responds to what is BEST for me…not because I THINK one way or the other. I don’t know about the rest of you, but many times I find myself wanting to have a life plan…you know, making sure that every little decision I make is just right, so that my so called perfect plan does not go down the drain. I also like to have comfort in knowing and projecting into the future. And many times, I fear the unknown…can anyone identify with that? I do not need your assurance to feel as if I am onto something…lol…I know that I am. If you never worry about anything please contact me because I am in need of some help! I am getting to some truth here so don’t check out quite yet.


See, the last several years I have had these plans of mine that seem so great and grand and what I would deem perfect. Ha. But time and again, God looks at them and says, “Nope, you’re missing it a little…let me take the lead.” So, for some time I let him reign over where I am headed. But then for some reason, that really makes no logical sense as a follower of Christ, I start to think I can do a better job than He can and I try to take back what it was I gave to Him. What foolishness. I do take it back sometimes and even feel as if I am succeeding at going in the right direction for what I want out of this short life…but then eventually, I get knocked in the head and He turns me around and He shows me that His plans are higher than mine, His ways are higher than mine-that there is nothing that can compare to Him and His glory. (Also read Isaiah 55)


So, I give back to Him what rightfully His in the first place-and I pray, that His will becomes my will, His ways my ways-that the way I love people projects the way He does-that the way I worship Him projects who He truly is and not some false image of who I have tried to make Him to be-THEN I begin to truly know Him and He leaves me breathless.


Tonight after prayer, I spoke with my mom for a few minutes and then I just rode home in complete silence. I also spent some time in silence once I got home…because I felt this uncertainty and was wondering “OH CRAP, God what are YOU doing with me?” haha. Yes, I said it just like that too…because the fact is that God leaves me speechless when all of the sudden I am so overwhelmed with His love and His grace and the provision that He has for me that nothing else really matters anymore-nothing, not what someone thinks of me, not my clothes, or my broken car, or my job, or any of the things that I can so easily become consumed by-with worrying and thinking and over-analyzing…NOTHING else mattered in that still silence with God but HIM.


It brings tears to my eyes as I sit here and think of how much I could be missing out on when I keep taking back parts of my life from Him. Because when I look into His eyes, the finances to get me where I want to go and where I feel that God is leading me…they don’t matter anymore…that internship…it doesn’t matter anymore…that friendship…it doesn’t matter anymore…because God has fulfilled His promise in not leaving me wanting in any area. He did not bring me…or YOU this far to leave you wanting.


That my friend, is what He wants from you. To leave you breathless with tears in your eyes looking at Him and realizing that He is all you need and want-that He does not leave you wanting-He doesn’t leave the worry or the pain or the anger-He leaves you standing in awe wondering what He could possibly be doing in your life by turning it upside down. You think you have a five year plan huh? Well I can say that God may have an eternal plan for your life that you are hindering because you are so consumed with what you have planned. It is a daily surrender, but let God do something radical in your life. I am working towards that every moment and I pray that you will too. That you end up on your knees or your face before God knowing that the plans He has for your life outweigh anything you could have ever imagined for yourself. Don’t sell yourself short by thinking you know best.


Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.”


Just remember in reading that passage that prospering you does not necessarily mean wanting you to be wealthy…God’s view of what makes us rich is often very different than the world’s. Be sure that we adopt a Biblical view point of how God sees us and our prosperity.


I pray that God overwhelms your heart with who He is-that He leaves you speechless-breathless in His presence. That you may know Him like never before. That it will not matter the money in your bank account, the car you drive, the house you live in, the job you have-that all of those things will be but a part of the physical world we live in and nothing more. That God will teach you how to live a radically sold out life for Him because His ways are perfect-in Him there is no flaw.


I will put this one on a lot of things…one of my favorite verses:


Ephesians 3:20-21 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Hypocrite...

Hypocrite….

“A person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion…a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings” (Merriam Webster Dictionary Online).

I do not normally get angry. It takes a lot to make me so. And honestly, I am one of the most forgiving people. I truly believe that God has blessed me with an easily forgiving heart. I thank Him for that every day. But let me say that anger is not necessarily a bad thing…it is just dwelling on that anger and then the actions that accompany it that cause you problems and turn into sin. Even Jesus was angry at times, but He never sinned in His anger and He definitely did not dwell on it so much that He became bitter. Lord knows that we do that all too often.

If there is one thing that makes me angry is those people who profess the name of Jesus Christ and yet do not follow after Him. These are the people that say religious slurs like oh “Praise Jesus” in front of people…or maybe they raise their hands in church…or cry…or say that they will offer a prayer for you whenever you tell them your sob story. BUT on the other hand, they live a double life…I am not necessarily talking about those who go out and party and drink and get drunk on the weekends and go to church on Sunday…granted that frustrates me as well; however, I feel sorry for them and it genuinely hurts my heart because they are missing the great freedom and healing in Christ. I AM talking about those who profess to be Christian, who maybe even work in a Christian environment seemingly doing so called “good” things for people and yet at night they are seducing people with their evil trickery or whatever you want to call it. This hurts my heart as well, but not without the lacking anger towards the sin…God’s Word says in Romans 12:9 “Hate what is evil and cling to what is good…”

See, here is my thought: if you aren’t going to truly try and live by the Bible and the standards of Christ then do NOT profess to know Him. Why do that anyway? All of those people, and maybe you are one of them, are doing is lying to themselves and others…and being confusing. Just live one way or the other. You see, God does not like those who straddle the fence. The Bible says He will spew those out of His mouth who are luke warm. I personally, know that I went through a phase where I tested the waters on the other side…some of you were there for my so called rebellion. Ha. But I definitely came to my senses early on…and thank God He saved me from any heartache and eternal pain. I am not writing this as if I am perfect…Lord knows I am not and I willingly admit it. I know that I too have had hypocritical tendencies…if you go to any church I bet every person there does…so don’t look for perfection in a congregation that is for sure. I also know that I try to live a life that is pure and pleasing before God…and what you see is what you get as “they” say…whoever “they” are.

What makes me angry is the fact that those people who profess Christ but knowingly and willingly deceive themselves and others are dragging Jesus’ name through the dirt…and make it hard for people to truly KNOW Christ and His forgiving Love because they see what you do…and even if they don’t it will come out. I was an RA for two years on campus at school and unfortunately had to confront things that girls did…and many times the girls would say, “Who told you?” And I would just laugh because honestly, it did not normally take any person telling me. I would say “The Holy Spirit found you out…He told on you.” It all comes out eventually. One sad part of the whole thing is that people get hurt…the person who is the hypocrite and the person being dragged along for the ride.

Now, as I read this to my roommate, she made a joke that she had to go repent…haha. I feel the same way in writing it. Lord knows I need to check myself.

This isn’t meant to condemn or to say that I do not understand where you are coming from if you are one of these hypocritical people…I can say from experience with people in this short life I have led thus far, that many people who profess Christ and do other than what Christ would be pleased with, are confused, hurting, ashamed, and so forth. Others, however, knowingly and willingly do things against God even if they profess His name…and I do not completely understand this rationale except for the Bible says that a man’s heart is evil without Christ. Satan has deceived you…and he is laughing about it.

Jeremiah 17 verses 9-10 say this: “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings.

If you are hurting and confused and have felt that living a double life is going to fulfill you…to make you whole or make you feel needed or wanted, then you are being deceived. Only the God of the Bible that you confess on the surface but do not let own your heart can fulfill a void inside and help you to conquer the things that you are most ashamed of. If you do not feel remorse for straddling the fence, then I pray that God opens your eyes and helps you to see the error of your ways before it is too late.

For those of you trying to live a life for Christ, let Him show you places in your heart that need to be surrendered to Him…I have been lately, and it hurts like crazy…but it is worth it.

For those of you who show up to your work tomorrow and act all high and mighty…pretending to be this so called Christian leader or man or woman…I pray that you do not rest at night until you find Jesus’ love…because God will not tolerate what you do against Him. We are either for Him or against Him in this life…if I profess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and have not love then I do not know Him…that goes the same for you my friend.

For others of you that may see a friend struggling through something like this please go alongside them and help out if you can. I know that it has been amazingly beautiful when a fellow brother or sister in Christ can show love and humility and concern for a friend by at least helping them know their worth and true identity in Christ.

Though man’s heart is deceitful in and of itself, there is hope and an answer to the sickness we all have…Jesus. Truly accepting by grace for free, the freedom and forgiveness that He has for our hearts. We no longer have to feel like we are in bondage to anything else, no sex, no drugs, no immorality, no pornography, no anger, no bitterness, no adultery, nothing like that. It can be gone and conquered. The Good News is that if you have truly accepted the Christ of the Bible, then you have all the weapons you need to fight against hypocrisy and truly live out the life you profess with your mouth. To be a Christian struggling through sinful nature and conquering it is different than willingly and blatantly saying one thing and doing another all the while probably not caring or making an effort to be different.

Romans 6:11-14 “In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.”

I pray that God convicts our hearts, causing us to hate sin so much that we refuse to let it reign over or in us. God make us bold to stand for you and if we are not truly going to bring fame to your name and give all the glory and honor to you, then Lord I pray that you make us choose, you or the world. But I pray we choose you. God help us to see past what other people say and do. God may we not be hypocritical but have a true desire to know you more and that our actions show it. Thank you Father for your grace and for loving us first. Now, we are able to truly be set free. In Jesus’ name. Amen.