Thursday, December 23, 2010

the deep south...

I traveled yesterday from Lynchburg VA to Lakeland GA. It took me a little over ten hours with traffic. I realized last night, however, that I can always tell when I have hit my home sweet home of the deep South. Truly there is nothing like it. Many people make fun of it…I know I do especially since I have been to other places. But for the most part, I am proud to say that I was born and raised here, in the southern United States. It has helped shape me into the woman I am. It has also helped me appreciate things in life that many people take for granted.

There are many ways that I realize I have hit south Georgia. I would like to share some of these.

1. My friend Heather and I realize that for a southerner 50 degrees is cold, but it is quite hilarious when you see a grown man in a fur necked coat, gloves, and a hat when it is 50 degrees. Haha.

2. The next way to know you have hit the south is the opposite extreme. Heather saw a man with no shirt in forty degree weather on the side of the road attaching a trailer to a pick-up truck. The image of this just makes me laugh. You got the one man dressed like an Eskimo and the other one like it is summer time and he is beasting his work. Ha.

3. You know you have hit southern Georgia when you stop at the gas station and every other vehicle is a pick-up truck with a rugged looking man in it….usually with a big antenna or dog box in the back for hunting….hahaha.

4. This one I like. I know that in many places chivalry is dead. Of course the women helped kill it because some of us do not allow men to be men and take care of business. BUT I love the fact that every place I have been so far a man has held the door opened for me or let me cut in line. I mean it is the little things we tend to take for granted but I like it when they do that. Thank you kind sirs for treating me like a lady. :)

5. You know you are in south Georgia when you see several cars parked on the side of the road at a bridge…and standing outside are several old men with fishing poles fishing…over the side of the bridge. Haha. I mean it is cold out and they are still trying to catch a crawdad or something.

6. You know you are in South Georgia when you can’t understand a single word from the man talking to you in the supermarket. Every word sounds like a mumble jumble of syllables…if you could hear me talk like them it would sound really really funny. I can’t even begin to type it out except it would look something like-a wernt ober yonder n gotsda tracterrr outta da woods n billy bob werentttt eben rreredy to goo yetr. (I just stand there and smile sweetly and say yes sir over and over again). I mean I can’t even begin to keep trying to type it out. It reminds me of translating my friend Joey’s talk when we first moved to Lynchburg for school. (sorry Joey. Lol.).

7. So, this is in no way disrespectful but over the last several years I have noticed when I come home that the some women in the south, especially those in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, tend to wear a lot of make-up and big hair. This definitely applied to my recent visit to Tennessee but I notice this difference a lot more recently in my home town. Maybe they believe that is the way a true southern belle should look. I am not sure. But either way the trend has definitely not subsided even with the aging of Dolly Parton whom many of them remind me of. Haha.

I am sure I will think of more of these to come over the weekend. One thing is for certain, the air is definitely fresher down here in the deep south. I took a deep gulp of it when I exited my car yesterday. Too bad I can’t take some of it with me when I leave to go back to Virginia.

This is just a glimpse of the deep South...

Monday, December 20, 2010

render today...

It is easy to get caught up in our own lives-what we want, what we don’t have, what we wish we had, what we think we deserve. (It can be particularly easy to be caught up in these things during the holidays.) It is harder sometimes to wake up in the morning and think of someone else before you think of yourself. We probably equate this with selfishness. Being in my twenties, I know many people who talk about their five year plan, ten year plan, financial plan, etc. In the land of America, we are surrounded by possibilities and in the place I live, the “plans” we have for our own lives. Of course, this may be less so for some people, but when compared to other countries, America can be described as a land of opportunity. Another thing I noticed recently is that many people have a plan of what they want to have done by the time they are thirty, thirty-five, forty, and so forth. There is definitely nothing wrong with making plans and setting things in motion to accomplish great things, especially from a Christian perspective. We want to accomplish great things and many times it may take years to reach goal by goal. I am sure most of us will be laying on our death bed or come to meet Jesus one day and realize all of the things we wanted to do and did not. Okay, maybe we will not have the ability to look back at things that we didn’t do or did do and wish we did or didn’t do. Maybe we did not make the time, maybe the opportunity never came, or maybe we just lived too short of a life.

Something I consistently remember is that I want to make the most of every chance that I have. I do not want to waste a relationship or an opportunity to make a difference in the world or in the life of one person. I realized through the death of a loved one a long time ago that you never know what tomorrow holds. Sometimes, we use the mundane things in life to grow closer to God and to prepare for things in the future. I, however, was saddened recently while doing some research for a paper. Most people in America expect to live a long life. The average life expectancy is 78 years old. What saddened me was the statistics I came across for the country of Haiti. The average life expectancy for someone in Haiti is 29 years old.

Let that sink in. 29 years old. The average person only lives to age 29 in Haiti? It breaks my heart and makes me realize how much we take for granted. That would mean that I only have four years to do what I would “want” to do or to accomplish some kind of “great” things for God as a lot of Christians pray will happen. I mean, granted, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We may only have this moment right now, this very breath; this very next sentence could be my last. Not to sound overly dramatic but on the grand scheme of things it is true. Not only is it tragic about the people of Haiti and their recent turmoil, but it simply brought up this idea that I am blessed. Most of you reading this are probably blessed too and may not realize it. You probably don’t make your plans thinking you would only live to be 29 years old. Hey, some of you may be past the age of 29. That makes you blessed in and of itself when compared to others. Of course not everyone who lives has an easy life. Those 29 years may be full of turmoil and pain. They may be full of disappointment and uncertainty. I guess it is all a matter of perspective. Regardless of what we endure, I want to have a perspective that God has about our lives-even if what life has brought is not what I thought it would be.

My heart has just been overwhelmed with the thought of how we (how I) would make things different, plan different, love different if I knew I was only expected to have a lifespan of 29 years. That is four years from now for me, so if you are 30 just think about four years from now for you. I hope that if you knew that you would likely die in the next four years that you would…

#1. Find the love of Jesus Christ irresistible. That his heart, his passion, his forgiveness, his compassion, all of it would penetrate to the core person of who you are.

#2. Find that the love of God is perfect and can be shared with other people in all relationships, even to a stranger on the street.

#3. Find that your life is just one note of a very large sheet of music, one word in an extravagant love story, one breath of the billions of people to ever walk the earth.

#4. Find that even the simple things in life should not be taken for granted-that there is always someone who has had to deal with the same things as you if not worse.

#5. Find that money and material possessions only last a moment; you can’t take them with you in the afterlife.

#6. Find that you can make a difference in the life of just one human being and end up making a difference that will make a ripple in life that changes many others, even for eternity.

#7. Find that worrying gets us nowhere, or at least nowhere good and true freedom comes from finding trust and hope in the God of Scripture.

#8. Find that sometimes laughing is the best medicine, even if it is at your own expense.

#9. Find that life, even if the days are numbered (which technically I guess they all are), can be taken slowly and not so busy. This helps with not overlooking something beautiful or neglecting a relationship.

#10. Find that each breath is a gift and that true salvation and contentment do not come from what you first do but in whom you first believe on.

I do not know what it is like to live in a country like Haiti. I have only ever lived in America. This was the card I was dealt at birth. Hopefully one day I will be able to live overseas, but until then I see that we truly do take for granted the time we have. My heart is broken to think that on average in a particular part of the world, people can expect to live only to age 29.

Would I do things differently, act differently, love differently? Would I stand up more for the things that I say I believe in? Would I give my possessions and my heart away more freely? You can ask the same things of yourself. I do not know if it makes a difference in places where the average life expectancy is so low as to how the people act or value life. But I do know that it should. It should also be a wake-up call to those of us who take life for granted and do not love God and love people.

I think that sometimes we simply say that we have tomorrow to do something. To ask God for forgiveness, to love someone we haven’t loved, to be charitable to someone in need, to take a chance on something we never would have…we say that we will do that or this tomorrow but what good are our plans if we don’t carry them out or if we don’t have a tomorrow. I think this is just a challenge, like many of us have heard before, to live life more fully, more intimately, more passionately in the pursuit of Someone greater than ourselves and purposes greater than our own selfish ambitions.

This may take us rendering our hearts, rendering our lives, our hopes, passions, dreams, pursuits. This may take us rendering our hurts and heartaches to move forward and live as if we only had a short time on this earth to make the most of it. It is not about living in fear of dying but living in fear of dying and having wasted the time we have.

May we render our hearts to the plans of God for each day, expecting great things but not banking on any ‘promise’ of tomorrow that may never come.

render today...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rendered.

My heart beats wildly, open and exposed.
I plead with it to stop and to close.
But it does not listen to my plea.
It keeps pounding and I hit my knees.

My breath fills my lungs in and out.
I ask myself if this relieves all my doubts.
But it does not help when I think about you.
My heart, my breath, I cannot move.

My eyes, they glisten with tears.
I beg myself not to think about the fears.
But it does not quench the silent hole in my heart.
I look for the ending but I do not know where to start.

My finger tips grow numb and cold.
I think about what I want to do and not what I’m told.
But it does not matter how I am compelled.
My heart, my breath, my hands are no longer held.

My heart, the beats grow slower still.
And my breath, it’s shallower as I kneel.
My eyes, the tears they don’t last forever.
And my finger tips grow warmer, though my life’s been severed.

My heart, it was rendered to something unknown.
And my breath, it is no longer my own.
My eyes, they are deep with affection for you.
And my finger tips wait now, but are driven to move.

My heart, it wants to sing a new song.
And my breath, as it exits my body so do the wrongs.
My eyes, are lightened and able to undoubtedly see.
And my finger tips long to play on the keys.

My heart, it begins to beat wildly again.
And my breath, it fills my lungs till the end.
My eyes, are looking into the one I couldn’t see before.
And my finger tips are forever given permission once more.

Rendered.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

the way the heart is...

The Way the Heart Is
Love is pain but it is also good. You have to take chances and let go sometimes in order to experience something so beautiful, specifically chances with the heart…

A few years ago a friend kept telling me that I couldn’t trust him because his heart was deceitful. It was in reference to the verse Jeremiah 17 verse 9 that says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” I did not believe him because I like to think the most of people. I like to look at them and believe that they are different. I even gave him a chance to show me that he was what I believed he was. But…eventually what he believed and the way his heart was…it truly was deceitful, at least for a time.

It is hard to believe that some people are not who you think they are. I would also say it is shocking sometimes to find out that you are not who you thought you were. We all live sometimes with illusions of who we are. We even put up façades for other people. We only show them what we want them to see. We disguise ourselves so that others have an illusion of who we really are. Some of us may say that we have seemingly good excuses to not be true. Maybe you feel you can’t trust people or you have been hurt, so you hide. Or maybe you are afraid of being judged, especially for those of you who live in a “Christian” community. Or maybe you aren’t true because you are afraid that the person you want to be real with will not love you or accept you for who you are. The truth is, however, is that we can never be fulfilled in our relationship with God or with other people unless we are real.

I realized with my friend, however, that yes his heart had deceived him and I could not trust him at that moment. The first step in knowing the way the heart is-is to admit that it is indeed…deceitful. The heart deceives the person that it dwells within and it deceives others. But if we know that we ourselves, apart from the constant influence of God are falsehearted, then we can take chances on one another to be honest and genuine.

Falsehearted…I like that word as a synonym for deceitful. False-it is untrue and lying. We must admit that we have not been honest with ourselves, with others, and with God.

Sometimes, however, we only begin being honest with ourselves but then we can’t be honest with others or open with God because we do not like what we see in ourselves. This is where we have to make the decision to change something.

Yes, the ways of the flesh are evil but the ways of the Spirit of God never lead us astray.

Jeremiah 17 goes on to say in verse 10, "I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."

The way we are without God is deceitful but He already sees that even when we do not admit it. He sees every flaw, every blemish, every dirty sin that penetrates to the deepest darkest secrets of our hearts and souls. He knows what we think about ourselves and how we see others. He knows that we are, without him, drawn to evil and drawn to the things that do not last in this world. He searches our hearts, even as deceitful as they are, and he tests the innermost parts of us. This should honestly be a bit scary for those of us who profess a belief and indwelling of something greater than ourselves. I have found that indeed our hearts can deceive us and others if we allow them to, but we have a choice to deceive or to be true.

There are only two options in my opinion. You can choose to either remain in your deceiving ways or you can choose genuine life. Not that we become perfect at that point, but we begin to operate out of something that is in its purest form true. It is absolutely beautiful to rise in the morning and give of a real and devoted heart to others and to God. I like what the verses preceding verse 9 say in Jeremiah 17.

Choosing to follow your own deceitful heart…
Jeremiah 17:5-6
Thus says the LORD:"Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.”

Choosing to follow your heart under the influence of the Lord…
Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Sometimes it is difficult and even unbearable to be real with ourselves, but we can’t expect to be honest with others until we do so. We are led by deceiving affections and mindsets, but the truth is that we are capable of not living that way. It hurts, but it is most fulfilling to be real and genuine. It allows us to be intricately intertwined with the Lord, so that even in hard times we are able to flourish. It allows us to be entwined with other people and their hearts to most know one another in the fullest and most gratifying ways.

The second part of my conversation with my friend led me to the part where we are able to see others the way God sees them when we stop being led by deceitful hearts. We can see them in their identity in Christ, no matter who they are or what they have done. We are able to love them wholeheartedly with true affection because we are not deceived by our own façade or by theirs. We are even able to confront ourselves and others because we can truly say we know them and we do not want them to go on a certain path that fulfills the objects of a deceitful heart. When we see others through God’s eyes we start to treat them as precious people who have value and who are unique-who all have hearts that can be broken and mended with the way we interact with them.

Even if someone tells me that their heart is deceitful I want to view them through this mindset. I want to be able to see them for who they can be, even if they are not there yet. That is how I want to be viewed. None of us have truly arrived yet, we are all on the journey together.

Some would argue with me and say that deceitful is just the way the heart is. Some would say that we can’t help the way the heart is. Some would mock me and say that I am naïve and that there is no way to change. But God did not design our hearts to be deceitful-there is an alternative to being falsehearted. That is not the way the heart is. When we begin to know the way the heart of God is, we begin to know how to be true hearted-the way the heart should be.

The way the heart is with the Holy Spirit is loyal, devoted, faithful, committed, steadfast, and constant. This is the way the heart should be so that we know God and others-we are able to overcome our deceiving ways and find exactly what we have been looking for all along.

In what way can you learn to be real and genuine, not being led by false affections and false ideas from a deceitful heart? What do you need to let go of in order to truly see the way God intended your heart to be in this life? How can the view you have of other people change to be seen through the heart of God?

One word in seeking this…intentionality.
Don’t be deceived by the way the heart is.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Render your purpose...

Render your purpose.

I Chronicles 28:9-10
9"And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever. 10Be careful now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it."

Just when you think what you do doesn’t matter.

I think that everything in life should be done with purpose. Yes, we do things like watch movies or football games and many times, personally I am not sure if the purpose of that is really life changing. Of course entertainment is something that relaxes us and can be used to bring people together. I like my fair share of movies, music, theme parks, etc. But this is not what this is all about. I think that the things we do in life, like work, building relationships, service, etc. should be done with a greater purpose than our just fulfilling some need in our lives. Some of us work at jobs that we do not necessarily see the results of what we are doing. Some of us work at jobs that seem to only be putting food on the table and taking care of one’s family. Only enough to make ends meet per say. There are times, however, when we find ourselves on a mountain top. I think Oswald Chambers calls it a mountain top experience. However, most days for a person are “normal.”

We often times do not know what impact we are having on another person. I have had experiences since I was in middle school that have solidified my belief in a beautiful God I cannot see-a God that is all knowing and gives me unconditional love despite the fact that I do not deserve Him. I often need reminding of this. When I ask God to remind me of His love and His purpose, He answers me. He reminds me of the purpose in life. He shows me that He loves me and shows me that He is faithful to complete a good work in me that He began many years ago when I decided to follow Him (Philippians 1).

Sometimes when I do the same things over and over again every day at work or in completing my school work, I think I lose sight of what my heart’s desire should be. I lose sight of where I have been and what God has used me to do in the lives of others. My heart is the way it is for a reason. My will is the way it is for a reason. My mind is the way it is for a reason. My life has been what it is for a reason. Nothing is a mistake in the eyes of God. Even when I think that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not eloquent enough, not purposeful enough, God reminds me that those are all lies. This is not to say I cannot improve myself through God’s Word and His Spirit…we cannot excuse our flaws, though we all have them. But we can say that there is a purpose (probably more than one) for the way that we are made, the way we love God, the way we love people, the way we carry burdens, the way we talk, the way we live…

Just today I got a surprise from God in allowing me to reconnect with a mountain top experience that changed my life in high school. Three of my favorite moments in life have been forged in foreign countries among foreign peoples. That is something I often forget in the place that I currently am. Every once in a while too, the enemy lies and tells me that I should not be the way I am because it is not good enough to make a difference right now. I am beginning to remember where I have been, where God has brought me from, to the place I am now-that there is a purpose for everything under the sun. Why do what I do, why say what I say, why feel what I feel, why love, cry, hurt, rejoice, if not for a greater purpose than my own selfishness. That is not a purpose at all. I only share my personal experience right now in hopes that those of you who know Jesus Christ can understand that we get lost-lost in the everyday experience, lost in our selfishness, lost in a false feeling, lost in a pointless relationship, lost in a greedy job-But there is a greater purpose than all of these fallible things that do not last.

I pray every day that God will show me how to love as He loves and to help me to see others through His eyes. This is difficult if I cannot allow God to love me, all of me, and give myself up in such a way that the purpose of my heart and its passions are served for something and someone beyond me.

I encourage you all to look at where you have come from and where you are. God does not make junk. He does not make mistakes. He had and always will have a purpose for our hearts. To love Him, to know Him and to make Him known through His love. If you feel you have not had a mountain top experience with God then pray for one. Pray for revelation. Pray for God to show out in your life. But remember that the Devil shows up to steal what it is you are doing for God’s kingdom. He will lie to you and tell you that you are not accepted by others because you are not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not loving enough, not charming enough, not strong enough, not _______. You get the point I think.

Sometimes after I have a broken moment, like the one down on my knees in the rain the other day I realize who God has made me to be and who He wants me to be. There is a reason for every part of who He has made me. There is a reason for every part of who He has made you. God reminded me today that times I have thought did not make a difference actually did. He reminded me that I may not be able to see the instances right at this moment that are touching the lives of others, but He is not wasting my time, my heart, my pain, my love, or anything else that I give of myself. He is part of each day, each minute that I allow Him to use me. He does the same for you. God does not waste a moment.

Render your purpose to God’s will. To His love. To His affection. To His strength. To His refining fire to forge something that allows you to freely give of yourself to change the lives of others regardless of where you find yourself at this exact instant. Zechariah 13:8-9 says “9And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people'; and they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"

John 15: 12-17
12"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17These things I command you, so that you will love one another.”

Friday, October 1, 2010

Render The Rainy Days...

Rainy days.
Like ‘em? Hate ‘em? Don’t really care?

I think a rainy day has its moments. Sometimes it makes me happy, sometimes it is depressing…sometimes it is fun, especially if you play in the rain and stop worrying about your hair. Ha.

I got out of my car only to step ankle deep in water and mud. Ick. Good thing I did not have on my good shoes. The drizzle from the rain stuck loosely to my bangs and dribbled down the side of my cheek. Normally I may wipe it away quickly but it didn’t bother me a whole lot and I still had bags to unload from the backseat of the car.

I lugged the bags out of the car struggling with them on both arms while trying to close the door. I fumbled with the keys that were latched on my fingers. I always end up intertwining the key rings around my fingers. If only I had some help…or possibly I could have not tried to get all the bags at once. That would have freed my hands up. I finally got a good grip in the house key and headed up the porch.

I walked as quickly as possible through the mud and up the sidewalk, my shoes squishing with water from the mud puddle I had stepped into. As I reached the water saturated steps to the backporch, I should have known better than to attempt to climb them with wet shoes and a dozen grocery bags on my arms. The toe of my shoe did not make it completely on the second step and that is all it took for me to land on my knees, the bags flailing with my arms as I attempted to catch myself. I am still unsure how I did not land on my stomach or better yet my face with the groceries underneath me.

Great, wet shoes, wet pants, wet hair…hmmm.

After several minutes of collecting myself and dragging the bags into the house, laughing to myself silently as I thought about the other times I have fallen in the rain, snow, up the stairs, down the stairs, etc. Too many times to count I am sure. After emptying the bags, I decided to go back outside to enjoy some more of the rain. Despite being wet and somewhat dreary I was calmed by the light pattering rain and breeze that blew into my face. I closed my eyes and took in one of those deep relaxation type breaths. You know-breathe in through your nose, hold for three seconds, breathe out through your mouth. You should try it. It works.

As I leaned over the side of the porch I realized that many of the roses on the rose bush we have were drooped over, waiting to fall to the ground. They were dead. Probably from the lack of water they had been getting up until this weekend. Of course leave it to God to teach me a lesson through my somber moment in the rain. Though all the roses on the outer edge were droopy and dying, there was one fresh bud in the middle. It was small and perfect in every way. The rain had formed drops on the petals and leaves and made it more like a picture moment. I did take one though my camera really isn’t that great.

As I stared at the new bud getting ready to bloom, I thought about the rest of them that were dead. Life can sometimes seem that way. There is a bit of a dry spell and without water we feel like things are falling apart. Sometimes even with water, things still fall apart. Heart ache, disappointment, hard times at work, lack of work, loss of a loved one, sickness, etc. It is my theory that sometimes for a Christian, when it rains it pours (theoretically speaking of course) because Satan knows the Lord has a great plan for life. Not to say that sometimes those of us who are believers don’t bring it on ourselves, but for someone who is seeking God then the first option is more likely.

I thought about the fact that many times things seem dead, like the dozen roses that were drooped over, petals missing. However, in the middle of the sleaze there is a beautiful late bloomer waiting to show off. It is right in the middle of the ugliness-a beauty.

I thought about Ezekiel 37:1-6.
“The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. 2And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. 3And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord GOD, you know." 4Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. 5Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. 6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD."

Now, I am no theologian, but this Scripture just speaks to me. Though some people say something is dead, God can perform a miracle and make it live. Though Satan would lie and say that nothing good can come of a difficult situation, God can intercede and turn ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61).

If I tend to focus on my current circumstances, then I get off balance in life. I do not know if you know what that is like, but if we focus on what is going on and get our attention of off God, then we fall or at least we feel like we are falling. It may affect each one of us a bit differently, but it is keeping our attention on the Sustainer that helps us to view the small beautiful flower rising up in the middle of the dead. All it needed was a little water.

As I stood there looking at the new flower I thought about what I need to immerse myself in in-order to allow God to do that in my own life. Maybe God is trying to tell you that as well.

Immerse Yourself in…
His Word. His Love. His Spirit.

This is kind of simplistic to think about at first, but I think if we all are honest, we can think of a time when we were focused more on our difficult circumstances, when we felt like God left us alone, when we felt like anything we did was not good enough, etc. The point here is that the dead roses represent these things, but God intends for more than that. We may be tempted to render ourselves and our hearts to the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We may be tempted to render ourselves and our fears of what has happened or what is happening in our lives because nothing is what we wanted it to be, times are hard, etc.

In order to live amongst those tough times, however, we have to render ourselves, our thoughts, heart, emotions, will, etc. to being captivated by God’s Word and His Love. Though the rain may make things seem a bit dreary and hard to see the big picture, I think we ought to allow God to shine in the middle of everything going on.

I don’t know about you but I want to tap into the power of Christ that His Word promises us as His born-again children. Many days we live with mediocrity and do not become or allow God to show out in our lives. Hebrews 13: 20-21 “20Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, 21equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.”

What the world says is dead, God says it’s alive.
What the world says is hopeless, God says it’s full of hope.
What the world says is ugly, God says it’s made beautiful.
What the world says is worthless, God says it’s made worthy.
What the world says is unforgivable, God says it’s washed clean.
What the world says is impossible, God says He is able.

What is God trying to speak into your life and heart today through his Word, His Truth, His Love?

I pray that if you are going through a difficult time that you look to the hills where help comes from. When things and situations seem hopeless and dead know that God may just be waiting for a new bloom. He sees beauty where there are ashes. Sometimes we might fall down on our knees in the rain and that is okay. We just have to get back up and let the Lord be our help. He can fill all roles that we need him to be at exactly the right moment.

Render the rainy days to the Lord.
Figuratively or Literally.
Submit them to Him and let Him have His way.
He does not disappoint.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the whole package.

the whole package…

I overheard someone say the other day that he was waiting on the “whole package”…for his wife. I thought to myself, man, we all probably wish-hope-pray for the “whole package” in a spouse. The “whole package” for him consisted of beauty (outside and inside, of course being beautiful really is in the eye of the beholder), intelligence, just the right amount of submissiveness (in a wife), kind, and other attributes that would make her character flawless. Of course many of us may recognize this as the Proverbs 31 woman…or at least what some have told me is a modern day rendition of the Proverbs 31 woman. The point of this blog is not to discuss the Proverbs 31 woman-there are probably hundreds if not thousands of books on that already. The point is not to decide which characteristics are more important in a husband or wife...obviously that is subject to someone’s opinion though I know that the Word of God has an outline for the qualities to look for in a spouse. (Just take a look in His Word, I bet you’ll find a few in the first few chapters.)

The point, however, is to discuss something that was laid on my heart as I heard some people talk about the “whole package.” I cannot vouch for men, let alone all women, but I would venture to say that we have all thought about whether or not we had what it takes-whether or not we are the “whole package.” Being a woman myself, and being friends with other women and teenage girls, I know for a fact that majority of us at one point or another compare ourselves, either to each other, to other women, or to some idea of a woman that we, for whatever reason. cling to in the media. Men, I would guess that some of you have done the same. This can be for married or non-married individuals. The critiquing of ourselves doesn’t stop once we walk down the aisle and say “I do.”

This is how the thought process goes sometimes.
We believe the lie that we aren’t good enough-“we aren’t good enough to be his wife, her husband, their parent, their friend, etc”.

We start to think “If only I were like so and so I would have this or that or be this or that…” You fill in the blank.

Even if you say you haven’t struggled with this just keep reading. I would like to know what you might think or if you have any wisdom for someone you know that may be struggling.

We say to ourselves that we need to change this or that to be loved, to be accepted, to be good enough. But I would like to say that some people simply are wondering, even with good intentions, whether or not they are the “whole package.” If we are looking at other people we may ask-Do they have the brains and the brawn? Are they cool enough, sweet enough, spiritual enough…and so on. But if we are looking to others for our comparison-to answer the question of whether we are the “whole package,” we are bound to be disappointed and left feeling empty. (Also, throughout this it is probably a good idea to look at what the “whole package” looks like to you when you critique other people. Be realistic.)

See, we are all looking for the “whole package” in a spouse. If you are already married, hopefully you found that person that encompassed qualities that you knew you needed and wanted in a spouse-you found that person who you could spend the rest of your life with. That you could disagree with but still have love and respect, that you could laugh with, cry with-that person you could stand next to and feel safe, secure, and be content just being there with that person...that person who pushes you to be better, to do better, to love God more and more. If you are single and want to be married, well you obviously still have your open options, just be careful of what you deem important in the qualities of your “whole package” standard-for yourself and in the person you look to marry.

I will admit that I have thought about whether or not I possess those “whole package” qualities that I would deem essential in a life mate. But we can’t compare ourselves to OTHERS to determine if we are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. If you are a Christian believer, you should know what I am about to say next. We should only be comparing ourselves to the ONE who has all the qualities of a perfect person-Jesus Christ. The ironic thing that is that you are probably comparing yourself to someone who is also flawed thus attempting to adjust yourself in your own strength toward something that is not even a possibility.

So, stop worrying so much about whether you emulate the “whole package” that is in accordance with someone else’s opinion, including your own. Instead, strive to be what Christ emulated as the “whole package” in accordance with what God says about the characteristics of someone who is after His heart. Whether you are married, single, divorced, widowed…this will never ever steer you wrong. Let God shape the “package” He put you in, your heart, mind, soul, body. Then when other people see God emulated in you-they won’t be able to help but say, “Man, ___________ (put your name here) looks like someone I have heard about, oh yea, Christ…Humble, beautiful, kind, gentle, courageous, faithful, honest, etc.” That is the highest compliment-to radiate Christ. Do this and you will be the “whole package.”

Philippians 2:1-8 say this,
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

"Guard Your Heart"

So many times growing up…and even in the last few years, people always say “guard your heart.” At some points, I have recognized the need for the “guarding of the heart.” It is a popular thing for people to say in Christianity-or at least the Christianity I have "seen" the last 17 years. I have even heard it told to a young woman, who just having been used and abused by a man, that if only she had “guarded her heart” she would not have been going through that tough time. It made me angry to hear that at that time. My friend probably did think about that in the process but the last thing she really needed to hear at her lowest point was that she should have guarded her heart. Of course, if she is a professing Christian she realized that already. Just stick a helping hand out or a shoulder to cry on-don’t lecture about something that you do not even understand. If that person knew what it really meant to “guard one’s heart” she would have helped the young woman guard her own.

Don’t worry or check out on me. I am getting to something so just bare with my antics. A few years ago, my mother kept telling me “guard your heart,” “guard your heart,” “guard your heart, it is going to hurt if you give too much of your heart away and you don’t get the same thing in return.” Well, while I completely understood the “Christian” motherly rationale behind this statement, guarding my heart became an overwhelming task. It resulted in not easily trusting other people because I thought that if I were to “guard my heart” it meant never letting anyone close to the intricate person God has made me to be. Not to say that I did not have lasting deep relationships at the time that I began to think this way, but I know that other people missed out on me in their lives-and I missed out on having them. This was either because I pushed them away, or I thought they had to earn my trust…I initially thought (with some people not all) that they were only going to break my heart so they had to earn the trust so that we could pursue a deeper relationship.

Now, when people say, just “guard your heart” Jess. I say-What exactly do you mean by that? Like….what does that even mean-can you tell me? Are you telling me to be careful or cautious with giving part of my heart away? Are you telling me to stay away from people and not let them get close to me at all? What exactly does “guarding your heart” mean to you? What most people seem to be saying is just “be careful.” Okay that is great. Thank you, but I would deem that “guarding my heart” is a bit deeper than that-At least from a Christian perspective.

First we should probably understand what our heart is. It is a center piece of who God has made us to be. It is the intimate part of a person, that which goes pitter patter for the one we love or our God-it is the same part that commits to the Lord. The heart, being something most precious and valuable that God’s word says this:
20 My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. 21 Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; 22 for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:20-23

The Scriptures use the word “heart” so many times. Just use a search engine or a concordance to look it up. You will see what I mean. We should guard our hearts from evil, from foul speech, from jealousy, from provoking others, from hatred, from this or that-all of these things can be found in the Bible…in commands and teachings about how we live the Christian life. In order to protect from these things we have to be equipped. We read Scripture, pray, and surround ourselves with those that are uplifting in spirit.

Philippians 4 says that if we are not anxious and pray then the peace of God that goes beyond all understanding will “guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

We should also guard our hearts, keep the heart safe, from those in our lives that only want to take and take and take; or from becoming overly emotionally attached to someone when we shouldn’t; or from trying to get fulfillment in things that are only temporary. I don’t know about you but as I list the many things we should guard our hearts against, it becomes exhausting and for me overwhelming-how can one guard themselves from all of these things intentionally? Is there a certain prayer or certain actions that we should take in order to do this?

While I believe that prayer and seeking God on a daily basis helps-it is the sure way of being in tune with God and His Spirit. I do know what doesn’t help. I learned that “guarding my heart” did not mean never letting anyone get close to me ever. It is not about making people earn a place in my life (which I think we do so often, especially at the Christian institution in which I work and attend school). Granted, we do not want to just let anyone into our personal lives, but we don’t want to end up not doing that either. I have felt recently that I have to prove myself to someone over and over again just to make them see that I am not like seemingly majority of people that have seemed to be stereotyped. But then I realized that I am not living for this person. I am living for me. And Christ in me proves true over and over again. The Holy Spirit leads and guards my heart so that I do not go astray. “Guarding my heart” does not mean not taking risks on being close to people-though for several months that is how I felt and I think that many of you feel the same way.

You can guard your heart and honor God and still get to know people on an intimate level; by intimate I mean the inner being of who the person is-their hearts. And if for some reason they “break your heart” well, you know who to turn to for healing. Now as far as all of the other things that you should be “guarding your heart” against-run from those-the sin…jet in the other direction…there is only death and destruction waiting when we do not guard against the things and people who are out to distract us from the purpose God has. To know Him and to make Him known. What a beautiful thing. “Guard your heart” and don’t allow it to be tainted by the things of this world. “Guard your heart” against cynicism-no one is perfect, but at least pray and seek God about how to “guard your heart’ in response to those around you. Some people, they don’t need to know all of your business; hey, probably most people do not need to know-but there are those that you and I may be keeping at an arm’s length that maybe if you let down some of the guardedness, there would be a bit of blessing on its way.

So, we should “guard our hearts” against the things of this world, against the lies, deceit, evil, lust, jealousy, envy, greed, etc. that the world would tell us we have a right to. We should “guard our hearts” enough so that we do not invest so much of ourselves into another person apart from God, that we are left feeling empty and broken. We should “guard our hearts” against our own flesh and thoughts that do not coincide with what God is saying.

We should render ourselves, our thoughts, and our hearts to the Lord Jesus-if we let Him lead and guide us, then “guarding our hearts” won’t be a mystery anymore. It won’t be complicated or misunderstood. The next time someone says to me “Jess are you guarding your heart?” or “Jess guard your heart” I think I will still as what that means-because I do not want to be one of those people that is so guarded due to the fear of being hurt or rejected that my life has no risks. Be wise, be rational, be filled with God’s Spirit to make appropriate decisions about “guarding your heart” but by all means do not just “guard your heart” for fear of receiving a broken one. Let the commitment run deeper than that. Render your heart to the One who saves, gives life, gives peace, gives precious joy.

Be totally, completely, unreserved with the love you have for Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

More, More, More...

James 4:2

You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. (New International Version)

Some things are just never enough.

Do you ever feel like you long for something…you get it…then a few weeks, months, or years…you long for more? For something else even? Something newer, brighter, shinier, better…

Maybe you got a new car, and a few years later, you are tired of that car, so you get a new one.
Maybe you are desperate to get married, you get married, and a few years later, just being married isn’t enough…you want more-bigger car, bigger house, more kids, etc.
Maybe you sign up at a job under a particular salary, you work there for several years, and then, what you are getting paid just does not seem to be enough for what you do.

The point here is to ask the question “Are we really ever satisfied in anything?”

So many times I hear my young friends who are newly married get restless with what they have, and they complain. I hear people who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars on a home complain because something is not good enough. Not that I do not ever long for more…I imagine we all do at some point. I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a close friend about how many times in America we just want to “keep up with the Joneses”-meaning we see what others have and we think that that particular thing is missing, so our motivation is to get more or to complain when we do not.

We seem to live in a dissatisfied place. More, more, more, more….more stuff, more expectations of each other, more of this or that…you fill in the blank. At times, I believe that this wanting of more may stem from envy of others. This too I have had a conversation about with a friend recently. Envy means that you want what someone else has and you do not want them to have it. Envy causes resentment toward the person who possesses what you want, or it causes bitterness when you have unmet expectations. Envy can be a root for dissatisfaction.

Disstatisfaction also comes along when we are seeking fulfillment in the things seen. We see something we want it. We want, we want, we want…then we mistake what we want for what we need. This is definitely not the same thing. So, we seek to be fully satisfied in things that only temporarily quench a thirst that we have. It is like drinking salt water when you are dehydrated. It just does NOT quench the thirst…and it can even make it worse.

For some reason the best analogy that many people my age relate to is that of marriage. The girl wants so badly to get married…the guy proposes, they plan a wedding…they get married, have a honeymoon, and then start a beautiful life together. But so many times I hear about how one or the other was trying to fill a void with that other person. Since I am a girl, I will use this from an aspect of a female; sorry men. I definitely do not claim to have a lot of insight into you ;). The girl complained before she dated the boy (probably about her singleness or about how others had what she did not), then when she finally started dating and getting what she thought she wanted most, she complained about something there; then after they get married, there are more wants…it never stops. The wanting, seeking, striving for something more never ceases. My tolerance for selfish complaining like this really starts to wear thin. But the idea is the same with anything-you think you deserve a better pay, better house, better spouse, better _______. You “think” you deserve what someone else has…and yet the hole in your chest will come back. It is a guarantee.

Now, this probably sounds pretty pessimistic, but I honestly think that is how we do a lot of things in life. We get something we longed for, it’s not good enough so we want more…but something seems to always be missing-even for a lot of us “Christian” people.

The truth, however, is that those of us who profess a believing faith in Jesus Christ should look and sound differently in regards to ALL areas of life; this includes what we strive for, what we long for, what we find our satisfaction in. I get sooooo mad at myself when I start to think about the “mores” of life as I like to call them. When we get our eyes of off the main focus of this life, then even the blessings in our lives are not enough…because the holes are trying to be filled with things that are only temporary. God’s Word says this: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV) The verses before these talk about the grace that is extended to all people and how thanksgiving should overflow. If only our eyes would remain fixed where they belong would we not be distracted by dissatisfaction.

It is not that wanting blessings such as nice cars, houses, kids, spouses are wrong. It is when more is needed from these things to make us feel temporarily full on the inside than is sought out in the Lord. The problem is seen in 2 Corinthians. We are wasting away. We are inevitably dying, whether we want to or not. The things we hold so tightly to, they are wasting away and the fulfillment they provide is momentary. That more, more, more that we want should be focused on Jesus-then satisfaction is guaranteed. And…we won’t aggravate everyone around us with our complaining or pity parties.

Instead of complaining or thinking too much about the “mores” of life that I may deem important or necessary for my satisfaction in this temporary life, I have challenged myself instead to pray. I have been reading Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. If you have not read it, I would recommend it. There are some great ideas on prayer and trusting God as well as amazing stories within this book. One of my favorite sections speaks of praying and how we do not have because we do not ask. We do not get everything we ask for, but we may be lacking because we do not ask in faith for God to provide. This could include asking for something more satisfying, like the fulfillment of Jesus. Many Christians may say amen or agree with this statement; however, it is not as simplistic as we may think. If it were as easy as it sounds then we would not be dissatisfied in life.

So, the challenge. Rend your heart from temporary and momentary things…stop looking at what you do not have and look at what you do. Instead of complaining in each phase of your life, maybe take a look at someone else’s life…at how it would feel if you were in their shoes. A change of perspective is a good place to start-this may be a change to God’s perspective of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness aka “the mores”. Rend your heart from temporary and momentary things.

Render your heart to the things that will last forever-there is only ONE person that can constantly satisfy all of our needs, wants, desires. That is Jesus Christ. When we seek MORE of Him then what we may be lacking in other areas do not matter.
 “We often go without things God wants us to have right now, today, because we fail to ask.” Jim Cymbala


Jeremiah 29:11-13


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. (New International Version)

Monday, May 24, 2010

Remembering...

Though it linger, wait for it...

Have you ever prayed for something for a long time but never thought it would happen? I do not mean you WISHED for it for a while, but actually spent time with the God of the universe in prayer over something. Well, that is where this little excerpt begins. In high school, I went to Russia for a month. It was one of the top four defining moments in my life. A year later, I received a brochure about the country of Romania. A few months later, I had the opportunity to go there; however, for several reasons I decided not to go. I was tormented that I had made the wrong decision by not going. I thought that maybe I had missed God. Then one day my pastor preached a sermon about how God may only give us ONE chance to do something. I thought I would die on the inside if God had only given me one opportunity to go. So, I began to pray for God to open the doors for me to go to this country that I really only knew little about.

But it is as I began to realize how long I had prayed to go to Romania that my faith began to wane at times. It is not because I did not think that God COULD do it but because I was not sure that He WOULD. I went throughout all four years of college watching other people go on mission. It was not until my senior year that God opened a door for me to go to Romania. It was an amazing time of wow and shocked belief as things began to fall into place. The people and the finances began to work out the way that God had intended. I knew right away that this would not be an ordinary trip to a country I had been waiting to go to for five years. God began to show His way to provide in every way for each of us on the team. Getting there to that beautiful place with the beautiful people was only the step out of the boat on the way to faithful service.

I cannot speak for every person I went with to Romania, but I went expecting to help others and well…the people there helped me. God used them to change my life forever and I am so grateful that I could be privileged enough to go there after waiting for so long. It was in the first year that I went to Romania that I clung to the verse Ephesians 3:20-21 which says, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” God definitely proved true every place that we went the first and the second year. I understood that first trip why God would have me wait so long to go. I had to mature and be a different person than I was in high school in order for Him to use me in the places that He wanted to. I understood on the second trip what it meant to be humble and to serve. Funny how the things that we pray for are answered…just realize that when you pray for something it may be a lot harder to follow through on your end than on God’s. BUT He gives you the strength to do so.

Being in Romania was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and the people I met there and have kept in contact with are beautiful and amazing. Some of them are probably reading this and I would like to say to you thank you for being the people that you are, for loving and sharing the way that God would have us to. I could go on with story after story of my short time there the last two years, but I will not bore all of you. I write this simply because at this time for the last two years God provided for me to go and be with the people that I grew to love so much. This has been a different time not being able to go, but I am trusting God to take me back to that place, hopefully soon. I wish I could explain the way that God can make your heart connect with a people and a place like you were meant for it, but there are no words to describe even a year later the way that I feel.

For the rest of you that may have been waiting on God to do something wonderful…or life changing…or maybe you have been praying and waiting because at some point you thought you missed God. Well…keep praying and believing that God can answer that prayer to benefit you and other people for the Glory of God. It is true that the timing of God could not be more perfect. I have to remind myself of that daily…especially when the impatient side of my heart rears its ugly head.

Go seek something beautiful and you will find it; it may look a little differently than you had expected but it will not disappoint you when you are in full surrender to God. I know that I wait expectantly for answered prayers even though the times get tough. I realized through both trips to Romania that this quote is true: “I discovered an astonishing truth: God is attracted to weakness. He can’t resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need him.” –Jim Cymbala

Don’t be content with sitting around doing nothing…at least in the waiting period of life, spend it praying or seeking God for when you have to get up and go. I look forward to the next moment that God says to go…He leads and provides the way. We are only vessels…but realize that when God moves you it may not be because you are going to touch someone else or change a life…He might be trying to change you!

I love you all who went with me and had the experiences in Romania…this is partially dedicated to you. I am so glad to have been a part of each of your lives and you a part of mine. Lauren, Laura, Hannah, Valerie, Brent, Philip, Jason, Danny, Kylie, Katie, Rebecca, Amanda, Alicia. And to my friends in Romania whom I miss dearly, I am praying for you and hope to see you soon. God prepare the way. Amen.

Philippians 2 (Read the Whole Chapter..It’s pretty much amazing.)

1 Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (New King James Version)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Render Your Words...

Render Your Words…

Yesterday at work…Well…Let’s just say that I did not start off on the right foot. The ironic thing is that I had read my Bible already…and I had a cup of coffee. Ha. But I didn’t let the Word sink in as much as I did the caffeine I guess. Mistake Number 1.

One thing I try to make clear to people is that I am by no means perfect. I have these thoughts and ideas and lessons that I learn, and I want to share. Some I walk out better than others…while some, well…I need extra dosages of God and prayer to keep going.

I started writing this blog because I pray that as I begin to rend myself from the things of this world and render my heart, mind, and soul to the things of God-that we can learn and walk it all out together. I know that I would say I will walk it out on my own, but what an amazing thing if I have others who join with me. So, as of yesterday…let’s just say that I proved yet again to myself and to someone else that I am just another human being who needs the forgiveness, grace, and control that only Christ can give.

James 3:2
2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

You see I like to joke, have fun, poke fun even, at those I am friends with…or even those I may only know a little. It happens to me too. I absolutely love to laugh…it is one of my favorite things to do. However, we all know that joking and sarcasm has a time and a place…and it has its limits. Growing up, I was not sarcastic at all. My mom, she can’t stand it…and she doesn’t take well to it. (Everyone who knows my mother…take notes and beware lol). But as I came to college and got around others it became more natural in my every day conversation. Some of it is really funny. However, there is a reason that the term sarcasm was derived from a Greek word meaning “to bite the lips in rage, sneer, to tear flesh, to cut”…that sounds awful if you ask me. I think there is some truth in this…that it can rip at you or dig into your heart or emotions. Some of you may be thinking that some people are too sensitive-yes this is sometimes true, but usually we only say they are too sensitive because we are too prideful to admit we were wrong in how we treated someone or in the attitude that we had toward them.

Mistake Number 2-When I opened my big fat mouth with a sour attitude and offended a friend-Kicking myself in the booty right after and knowing that my attitude was not pleasing to God.

I am thankful that my friend whom I had a sour attitude toward was willing to accept my apology. It is a different thing being on the other side of hurtful words...and I have been on both. It took me several hours before I worked up the nerve to apologize. I had to get the pride out of the way as well as the selfishness of worrying about what others think or worrying about being embarrassed.

As I discussed some of the events of the day with a friend, it was interesting to see that not everyone thinks that what I did or said was a big deal…or that it should merit me sharing with the world the little lesson that I got from it. However, I can say that if God makes it clear to my heart to do something then it must be important…if God will give my spirit unrest until I act on what he is telling me, then it is worth my time. So while what I write today may not seem like a big deal to some people, for me…it is a big deal. I want to know that I am above reproach…that I try through God’s Spirit to love as He loves and to see others through His forgiving, merciful, and just eyes. So, if I am going to do that, then God is NOT going to leave a part of my heart wanting…the little flaws that we have-they matter to God and He does not want to leave them there. Of course He is not demanding perfection to get to heaven…Praise the Lord-we would all burn in hell if He did. BUT He is commanding us to seek after Him, to follow Him, and to do His will.

I truly believe the more we seek God, the more we have to become like Him…it would be impossible to not be influenced by a God who is so big, so beautiful, so holy, so righteous, so loving, so gracious, so compassionate, and so just-it would be impossible to not experience radical change in our hearts so that even the minor little things we do whether out of selfishness or pride or lust or ___________(fill in the blank with whatever you want), have to flee…they have to go away-the HOLINESS and PURITY of God cannot dwell with sin…in the same place. That is a contradiction to who God is and who He has enabled us to be through His power. For those of you who do not know God or the Bible or Christian lingo…I apologize. You can message me if you want to. I could not think of any other way of writing my thoughts down on paper…I am pretty sure I have a limited vocabulary. :)

The funny thing is that I know one of the gifts I have through the Lord is encouragement…yet, I still fall into that hole that makes me understand the Scripture that says to tame our tongues…and the way that our words have meaning. I have never believed in the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”…that is untrue. Words…they cut you deep…to the core of your heart. And the problem is that once they escape your tongue you can’t get them back. Believe me I have tried.

Usually I think before I speak…I even overanalyze and pray about the words I want to use. In times when I am in tune with God’s Spirit, He even changes what I plan on saying to make it more of what He wants to convey. Unfortunately, there are other times that I open my mouth and the disdain that falls from my lips pierces my heart as well as the person I spoke them to. That may sound weird but I usually can feel the pains of regret in the utter depths of my stomach once I have said too much or selfishly dove into a conversation without regard to God’s heart or the heart of the person in front of me.

James 3:9-11
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

I have learned over the last five years how to control my temper, how to react in a way that is pleasing to God rather than reacting impulsively…and yet, there are still those moments when I kick myself for not having been more aware. In times of taming the tongue, we have to break away from what our flesh is telling us and render or submit ourselves to God’s Spirit. It is true that the more time we spend with God, the more likely we are to know His voice in our hearts above all others. He becomes a familiar voice and face in our lives. Imagine if you spent every waking moment with the person you love. If you ever got separated in a crowded room, you would still be able to determine their voice from amongst those around you.

John 10:3-6
3 “The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." 6Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them.

So, I encourage myself and you to spend time with the Savior. You would be able to know when He is telling you to shut your mouth…or even to apologize. I know from experience that apologizing takes humility…truly being convicted of my actions means that I am sincerely torn over what I have done and want to make a change or live differently from that point forward. But I can’t be torn over something if I haven’t experienced both sides of the fence-meaning, I can’t be convicted over something unless I am in tune with the Spirit thus leaving something inside of me in conflict.

I John 4:12-13
No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

The summary of my lesson to myself is that I have to keep abiding in the Spirit of God…Otherwise, my attitude reeks of the stench that produces sour faces, broken hearts, and battered relationships. We have to be careful of our attitudes and the words that are sown into the lives of others...even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, listen to your heart and God's Spirit.

John 14:23-27
23Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. 25"All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Breathless...

I love it...when God leaves me breathless...standing in awe of who He is and what He does because of who He is...


I find it funny, like not haha funny or even completely ironically funny…but just funny that God does not really care what I think. He really doesn’t. And for some of us, that is offensive. No time have I have looked at God and said, “God I think _______ about my life or this or that” has he said “Really? Well, I have never thought about it like that; thank you for your infinite wisdom.” See, God does not say that to me…ever.


But deep down, I am okay with that. I am okay with the fact that God listens to my cries, complaints, pleas, petitions (Read Psalm 34; Psalm 40; Philippians 4)….but that He only responds to what is BEST for me…not because I THINK one way or the other. I don’t know about the rest of you, but many times I find myself wanting to have a life plan…you know, making sure that every little decision I make is just right, so that my so called perfect plan does not go down the drain. I also like to have comfort in knowing and projecting into the future. And many times, I fear the unknown…can anyone identify with that? I do not need your assurance to feel as if I am onto something…lol…I know that I am. If you never worry about anything please contact me because I am in need of some help! I am getting to some truth here so don’t check out quite yet.


See, the last several years I have had these plans of mine that seem so great and grand and what I would deem perfect. Ha. But time and again, God looks at them and says, “Nope, you’re missing it a little…let me take the lead.” So, for some time I let him reign over where I am headed. But then for some reason, that really makes no logical sense as a follower of Christ, I start to think I can do a better job than He can and I try to take back what it was I gave to Him. What foolishness. I do take it back sometimes and even feel as if I am succeeding at going in the right direction for what I want out of this short life…but then eventually, I get knocked in the head and He turns me around and He shows me that His plans are higher than mine, His ways are higher than mine-that there is nothing that can compare to Him and His glory. (Also read Isaiah 55)


So, I give back to Him what rightfully His in the first place-and I pray, that His will becomes my will, His ways my ways-that the way I love people projects the way He does-that the way I worship Him projects who He truly is and not some false image of who I have tried to make Him to be-THEN I begin to truly know Him and He leaves me breathless.


Tonight after prayer, I spoke with my mom for a few minutes and then I just rode home in complete silence. I also spent some time in silence once I got home…because I felt this uncertainty and was wondering “OH CRAP, God what are YOU doing with me?” haha. Yes, I said it just like that too…because the fact is that God leaves me speechless when all of the sudden I am so overwhelmed with His love and His grace and the provision that He has for me that nothing else really matters anymore-nothing, not what someone thinks of me, not my clothes, or my broken car, or my job, or any of the things that I can so easily become consumed by-with worrying and thinking and over-analyzing…NOTHING else mattered in that still silence with God but HIM.


It brings tears to my eyes as I sit here and think of how much I could be missing out on when I keep taking back parts of my life from Him. Because when I look into His eyes, the finances to get me where I want to go and where I feel that God is leading me…they don’t matter anymore…that internship…it doesn’t matter anymore…that friendship…it doesn’t matter anymore…because God has fulfilled His promise in not leaving me wanting in any area. He did not bring me…or YOU this far to leave you wanting.


That my friend, is what He wants from you. To leave you breathless with tears in your eyes looking at Him and realizing that He is all you need and want-that He does not leave you wanting-He doesn’t leave the worry or the pain or the anger-He leaves you standing in awe wondering what He could possibly be doing in your life by turning it upside down. You think you have a five year plan huh? Well I can say that God may have an eternal plan for your life that you are hindering because you are so consumed with what you have planned. It is a daily surrender, but let God do something radical in your life. I am working towards that every moment and I pray that you will too. That you end up on your knees or your face before God knowing that the plans He has for your life outweigh anything you could have ever imagined for yourself. Don’t sell yourself short by thinking you know best.


Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.”


Just remember in reading that passage that prospering you does not necessarily mean wanting you to be wealthy…God’s view of what makes us rich is often very different than the world’s. Be sure that we adopt a Biblical view point of how God sees us and our prosperity.


I pray that God overwhelms your heart with who He is-that He leaves you speechless-breathless in His presence. That you may know Him like never before. That it will not matter the money in your bank account, the car you drive, the house you live in, the job you have-that all of those things will be but a part of the physical world we live in and nothing more. That God will teach you how to live a radically sold out life for Him because His ways are perfect-in Him there is no flaw.


I will put this one on a lot of things…one of my favorite verses:


Ephesians 3:20-21 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Hypocrite...

Hypocrite….

“A person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion…a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings” (Merriam Webster Dictionary Online).

I do not normally get angry. It takes a lot to make me so. And honestly, I am one of the most forgiving people. I truly believe that God has blessed me with an easily forgiving heart. I thank Him for that every day. But let me say that anger is not necessarily a bad thing…it is just dwelling on that anger and then the actions that accompany it that cause you problems and turn into sin. Even Jesus was angry at times, but He never sinned in His anger and He definitely did not dwell on it so much that He became bitter. Lord knows that we do that all too often.

If there is one thing that makes me angry is those people who profess the name of Jesus Christ and yet do not follow after Him. These are the people that say religious slurs like oh “Praise Jesus” in front of people…or maybe they raise their hands in church…or cry…or say that they will offer a prayer for you whenever you tell them your sob story. BUT on the other hand, they live a double life…I am not necessarily talking about those who go out and party and drink and get drunk on the weekends and go to church on Sunday…granted that frustrates me as well; however, I feel sorry for them and it genuinely hurts my heart because they are missing the great freedom and healing in Christ. I AM talking about those who profess to be Christian, who maybe even work in a Christian environment seemingly doing so called “good” things for people and yet at night they are seducing people with their evil trickery or whatever you want to call it. This hurts my heart as well, but not without the lacking anger towards the sin…God’s Word says in Romans 12:9 “Hate what is evil and cling to what is good…”

See, here is my thought: if you aren’t going to truly try and live by the Bible and the standards of Christ then do NOT profess to know Him. Why do that anyway? All of those people, and maybe you are one of them, are doing is lying to themselves and others…and being confusing. Just live one way or the other. You see, God does not like those who straddle the fence. The Bible says He will spew those out of His mouth who are luke warm. I personally, know that I went through a phase where I tested the waters on the other side…some of you were there for my so called rebellion. Ha. But I definitely came to my senses early on…and thank God He saved me from any heartache and eternal pain. I am not writing this as if I am perfect…Lord knows I am not and I willingly admit it. I know that I too have had hypocritical tendencies…if you go to any church I bet every person there does…so don’t look for perfection in a congregation that is for sure. I also know that I try to live a life that is pure and pleasing before God…and what you see is what you get as “they” say…whoever “they” are.

What makes me angry is the fact that those people who profess Christ but knowingly and willingly deceive themselves and others are dragging Jesus’ name through the dirt…and make it hard for people to truly KNOW Christ and His forgiving Love because they see what you do…and even if they don’t it will come out. I was an RA for two years on campus at school and unfortunately had to confront things that girls did…and many times the girls would say, “Who told you?” And I would just laugh because honestly, it did not normally take any person telling me. I would say “The Holy Spirit found you out…He told on you.” It all comes out eventually. One sad part of the whole thing is that people get hurt…the person who is the hypocrite and the person being dragged along for the ride.

Now, as I read this to my roommate, she made a joke that she had to go repent…haha. I feel the same way in writing it. Lord knows I need to check myself.

This isn’t meant to condemn or to say that I do not understand where you are coming from if you are one of these hypocritical people…I can say from experience with people in this short life I have led thus far, that many people who profess Christ and do other than what Christ would be pleased with, are confused, hurting, ashamed, and so forth. Others, however, knowingly and willingly do things against God even if they profess His name…and I do not completely understand this rationale except for the Bible says that a man’s heart is evil without Christ. Satan has deceived you…and he is laughing about it.

Jeremiah 17 verses 9-10 say this: “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings.

If you are hurting and confused and have felt that living a double life is going to fulfill you…to make you whole or make you feel needed or wanted, then you are being deceived. Only the God of the Bible that you confess on the surface but do not let own your heart can fulfill a void inside and help you to conquer the things that you are most ashamed of. If you do not feel remorse for straddling the fence, then I pray that God opens your eyes and helps you to see the error of your ways before it is too late.

For those of you trying to live a life for Christ, let Him show you places in your heart that need to be surrendered to Him…I have been lately, and it hurts like crazy…but it is worth it.

For those of you who show up to your work tomorrow and act all high and mighty…pretending to be this so called Christian leader or man or woman…I pray that you do not rest at night until you find Jesus’ love…because God will not tolerate what you do against Him. We are either for Him or against Him in this life…if I profess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and have not love then I do not know Him…that goes the same for you my friend.

For others of you that may see a friend struggling through something like this please go alongside them and help out if you can. I know that it has been amazingly beautiful when a fellow brother or sister in Christ can show love and humility and concern for a friend by at least helping them know their worth and true identity in Christ.

Though man’s heart is deceitful in and of itself, there is hope and an answer to the sickness we all have…Jesus. Truly accepting by grace for free, the freedom and forgiveness that He has for our hearts. We no longer have to feel like we are in bondage to anything else, no sex, no drugs, no immorality, no pornography, no anger, no bitterness, no adultery, nothing like that. It can be gone and conquered. The Good News is that if you have truly accepted the Christ of the Bible, then you have all the weapons you need to fight against hypocrisy and truly live out the life you profess with your mouth. To be a Christian struggling through sinful nature and conquering it is different than willingly and blatantly saying one thing and doing another all the while probably not caring or making an effort to be different.

Romans 6:11-14 “In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.”

I pray that God convicts our hearts, causing us to hate sin so much that we refuse to let it reign over or in us. God make us bold to stand for you and if we are not truly going to bring fame to your name and give all the glory and honor to you, then Lord I pray that you make us choose, you or the world. But I pray we choose you. God help us to see past what other people say and do. God may we not be hypocritical but have a true desire to know you more and that our actions show it. Thank you Father for your grace and for loving us first. Now, we are able to truly be set free. In Jesus’ name. Amen.