"What Are You Full Of?"

Take Two…Let’s See where this takes us…


“To Echo”…this is one of my favorite definition of the word render. As a Christian (and by that I mean sold out follower of Jesus Christ, the God of the Bible…not a fake representation of something that we have no real relationship with…not a person who puts up a façade to make the world think that we are perfect…okay I am hopping off of the peach box. Ha.), I could only think about what it means to echo something. I know as a child when I would visit the caves in the hills of Tennessee (you know, the ones that have all the neat natural sculptures, running water, and man-made colored lights to give it a cool effect), how I use to want to yell and hear my voice echo throughout the canyons. Of course, the echo of my voice never sounded the same as my exact voice and it would eventually fade away as the sound waves got further and further away from their original source (in this case, my big mouth). The further away from the source, the less of a reflection the echo was to my ears.
This is exactly why I love that definition of the word render. If render means “to echo,” then what is my heart echoing to the world? What is YOUR heart echoing to the world? What is YOUR heart echoing to you? Whatever "source" we are closer to, is what we echo to the world and to ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I agree with the saying “Garbage in, garbage out. Righteousness in, righteousness out.” Some of you reading this are like, oh boy, another dumb Christian saying…blah blah blah…Well, you’re probably the one that has been in the same boat as me.


I don’t know about you but I may need an attitude check (1, 2, 3)..Okay we’re good to go. Take a deep breath and keep reading.


So, I have noticed that what I fill myself with is what oozes (this is a nasty sounding word) out of my heart and sometimes out of my mouth and my deeds towards other people…if not toward other people, then toward God. If I am filling myself with things that are pleasing to God, then hopefully that is what people get a dose of when they “bump into me” spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc. Honestly, days that I have a bad attitude or people leave a sour taste in my mouth, it is because I am so consumed with myself or some “thing” that has caught my attention...and unfortunately that thing has placed itself on the throne where God should be sitting.


If we are to reflect Christ in our lives then our hearts have to be broken, broken over our sin and our struggle to continue returning to our own temptations or as some would say, to our own vomit. What would it look like if we decided to rend our hearts and break away from the things in life that do not fulfill us? I mean, what if we broke away from the sex, the drunkenness, the hate acts: or maybe you deem yourself a good person and do not act on these things. Well, what about lustful thoughts, envious thoughts, hateful reactions, jealousy; maybe you are overly emotional and hang your every emotion on what others say or don't say or do or don't do, etc. It is easy to think that if we do not act on things that it is not a hindrance in life but I beg to differ. When our hearts and minds linger on the things that God so desperately wants us to get rid of, we are licking up our own vomit and digging our own grave. For those of you who know Christ as Savior, you do not have to wait until you get to heaven to be free! For those of you do not know Christ yet, you do not have to change yourself to find perfect unrelenting love.


We can’t echo the heart of God to the world if we are so consumed with other things; if we want to sound like Jesus and echo Him to others then we have remain close to Him, the source of abundant life. Lately, God has been telling me to let Him search my heart and rend it away from anything that would be displeasing to Him. What a scary thing to do…because it hurts for him to search the inner most parts of my heart and see the imperfections. However, by letting Him break my heart I am learning to render my heart and my life to Him. This is when this life becomes truly satisfying. I am able to stand before God and before man pure and holy declaring His love, His peace, His joy, His faithfulness, His grace, His forgiveness, and His unrelenting pursuit of us.


In order to echo the voice and heart of God we have to be in tune with Him. God forgive me, forgive us for being so consumed with ourselves and with what we want; forgive us for not loving You and others first; forgive us for not allowing you to love others through us and declare Your life giving grace to the world.


Luke 6:44-46
"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."

Words, words, words...Forgive my unbelief...

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

A few days ago I was at the WATCH (Waiting Awakened To Change History) prayer meeting here on the mountain. I have only been a few times but knew that I could expect great things from the lives and lips of those around me. I felt compelled to go initially because I have been waiting expectantly to meet with God. You know, I want to have those encounters with the most High God in all His splendor and greatness that I do not know what to do...personally I want to stop breathing for fear of missing something. Sound crazy? If it does, I hope that you grow to desire a close encounter with God or as they say at the WATCH, a manifestation of God's Spirit. If you do not know nor desire God I hope you keep reading anyway...if nothing else you have a story to tell others about this crazy girl on the internet who talks about God all the time. :)

For each of you reading this desperate attempt at writing, I pray that you seek and find and see the glory of the Lord. It might knock you down on your knees or your face, but you will not regret it.

When I first came into the service, I sense a sweet Spirit of the Lord. Of course I knew how to ruin that in the first few minutes by letting my mind wander to the events of the day, the homework I had to finish, the family I was missing, the fact that I could not remember if I put my cell phone on silent (wouldn't want to be embarrassed by it suddenly going off) and so forth. The worst part was when I suddenly felt uncomfortable to stand up, raise my hands, and declare aloud something to the God who saved me from heartache and pain many years ago. Talk about a let-down to God I am sure, but THANKFULLY I came to my senses. With my head bowed, I started to tell God how I can't do this alone...this thing called life...this day to day breathing, sleeping, eating, working, schooling routine that I find myself in these days.

I don't know about you but life with God, especially when I allow Him to have control over my life is the real adventure. So far, I am not disappointed in the adventures of God and I wait expectantly for the ones to come. Tomorrow could be one. Pssshhh...the next few minutes could be one for all I know. Throughout the service, I became more and more aware of the Holy Spirit speaking into my heart (if you are not sure what I mean by this I probably will not be any good at explaining it but you can ask me!)...some of which manifested itself out of my mouth in word or song or something that resembled the two. I was having an amazing time with God in all His greatness...BUT

It was not until the end of the service that I started to feel that uneasiness that I felt in the beginning. Those of you who have had encounters with God probably have experienced that feeling in your gut that tells you that you are about to be asked to do something out of your comfort zone..."Lord WHAT do you WANT me to do?!" I screamed in my heart. Somewhat of an agitated scream but thankfully God forgives and sees past our irritability...He was probably laughing and going "OH yea, Ms. Jess, you think you got it all figured out do ya?" Then...the dear person leading the service (whom I have not asked to use his name so I won't) said that they would play one last song and if anyone needed prayer to come down to the front.

Bahahaha. I laugh because I had just told my roommate that I really wanted prayer warriors to pray for my healing. For those of you who may not know, I have had somewhat severe allergy problems over the last year. Some are hindering to my days being productive. The doctors honestly have not been of much help. I have been rebuking and speaking against this problem in the Name of Jesus for some time now. But nothing miraculous has happened...no physical healing...only more doubt and frustration and discomfort.

As we were singing about God's faithfulness I knew that I was suppose to take a few steps down an aisle (Lord knows the last time I "walked an aisle at church") and ask for prayer. If it is uncomfortable for me, having known God for most of my life at this point, I can only imagine how people feel who have never been in church. Let me just say, DON'T ignore those strong poundings in your heart, or the sickening feeling in your gut that you are suppose to physically move; you know, get up, raise your hand or whatever to make a declaration that you want to have the time of your life by seeking Jesus or to pray...I truly believe that is a physical representation of God urging you to draw closer to Him. Satan would do all he could to glue your booty to the seat. (It is not the moving that saves you or heals you but the believing faith behind the move).

So, with tears already running down my face and most of my mascara and eyeliner already gone (I am such a girl), I made that breathtaking journey down the aisle. Upon arriving at my destination I had every intention of only mentioning my physical ailments but God had other plans...of which I will possibly share at a later time.

DON'T fall asleep yet, PLEASE. The most humbling thing about being up there is the fact that only about three people actually know me...and I would question the depth of them knowing me at that point. I had no idea of the other people in the room either. That did not matter since we all have at least one common factor..we are all sons and daughters of the living God. As everyone gathered around me and like in a movie, the music played in the background (one of the only moments in my life I have had my own background music. ;) ), I could not hold back the tears because in that moment I knew that God was and is able to do all things.

One of the most powerful moments was when we were asked to picture Jesus and to hold on to that picture. I have no idea how the others pictured Jesus, maybe dying on the cross, maybe the resurrection, maybe walking on water; all I could see was Jesus walking toward me, arms out in front of him, palms up, waiting to take my hand. He was moving toward me and asking me to take the step out and take his hand, to latch onto Him and never ever let go. I felt overwhelmed in my heart and I almost lost my breath. Jesus-the Son of God-wanting me. I was reminded of the woman in the Bible who just wanted to touch Jesus' robe as he passed through the crowd in order to be healed. What FAITH she must have had.

I was on a spiritual high when I left. I had not planned for any of that to happen, but that is how God works. I had a moment of very deep faith that God would do what I had asked at God's throne. Of course, the next day, doubt set in. I am being vulnerable when I say that I wish I had a faith like the woman who reached out and touched Jesus, but the reality is that I need God's help. You see, I don't know about the rest of you, but in my life it is much easier to pray for others to be healed and believe it can be done than it is to pray and believe for myself.

Weird how that works huh? My thoughts have been in the past, why would God want to heal me or answer my prayers? Why would I think that God could heal someone else but not heal me?

God is continually working in my heart that He loves me enough to perform miraculous wonders in my life. (Funny how He has shown this to me many times and yet I still doubt. Shame on me.) It is ironic that I can see Jesus in my heart reaching out to me but still have trouble touching Him and believing Him. I am trusting God for miracles now because I know He hears my prayers and cares for me his daughter just the same way He cares for YOU, believer or not, He loves you.

I shared this long drawn out story to say BELIEVE God for great things! Ask Him, He loves you. Cry out to Him, He will dry your tears. Step out in the aisle, He will meet you at the point of your need.

Rend your heart from the things holding you back and let God render your heart and restore you. In the mean time, I am down on my knees praying that God forgive my unbelief and to SHOW OUT in my life because He gets all the glory, honor, and praise.

With Love,
Jessica

Render Your Heart...

RENDER YOUR HEART...Many of you are probably wondering what that could possibly mean. I heard a song on the radio by a Christian artist and in the lyrics he was saying to "rend your heart." I am sometimes intelligent, but I had NO idea as to what that could mean. Therefore, I went on a journey to find out what someone is DOING when they REND their hearts. Rend is another word for separation, for splitting, for ripping, for scratching...does NOT sound very pleasant does it? Personally, I picture a cat fight...literally or figuratively. :)

But what was he saying to split your heart from? Well...I could guess and talk about that later! I like what that the word render means something a little different...and that is where I want to start.

To render-to melt down-to give up-to yield-to submit-to reflect-to impart-to restore-to echo...

These synonyms may not seem like much at first, but on this little journey called life, I have discovered that we all, no matter what our faith, religious beliefs, ethnicity, or cultural background submit our inner most being or our hearts to something or perhaps to someone. We reflect something or someone. One of my favorites among the list of words is "to echo." I will tell you all (the few of you that get a hold of this crazy attempt to have a voice and possibly write somethiing that can even possibly make a difference in someone's life) later why it is one of my favorites...

My desire in writing on this blog (after spending several hours of my day on a computer for work) is to hopefully share things about life. A few things about me you will find, but I hope that in reading the posts that I do write, you will find something greater to look at...or to search for.

Join me on this attempted journey and let me know your thoughts...I hope to keep it up but we shall see what my commitment level is!

Blessings!