I overheard someone say the other day that he was waiting on the “whole package”…for his wife. I thought to myself, man, we all probably wish-hope-pray for the “whole package” in a spouse. The “whole package” for him consisted of beauty (outside and inside, of course being beautiful really is in the eye of the beholder), intelligence, just the right amount of submissiveness (in a wife), kind, and other attributes that would make her character flawless. Of course many of us may recognize this as the Proverbs 31 woman…or at least what some have told me is a modern day rendition of the Proverbs 31 woman. The point of this blog is not to discuss the Proverbs 31 woman-there are probably hundreds if not thousands of books on that already. The point is not to decide which characteristics are more important in a husband or wife...obviously that is subject to someone’s opinion though I know that the Word of God has an outline for the qualities to look for in a spouse. (Just take a look in His Word, I bet you’ll find a few in the first few chapters.)
The point, however, is to discuss something that was laid on my heart as I heard some people talk about the “whole package.” I cannot vouch for men, let alone all women, but I would venture to say that we have all thought about whether or not we had what it takes-whether or not we are the “whole package.” Being a woman myself, and being friends with other women and teenage girls, I know for a fact that majority of us at one point or another compare ourselves, either to each other, to other women, or to some idea of a woman that we, for whatever reason. cling to in the media. Men, I would guess that some of you have done the same. This can be for married or non-married individuals. The critiquing of ourselves doesn’t stop once we walk down the aisle and say “I do.”
This is how the thought process goes sometimes.
We believe the lie that we aren’t good enough-“we aren’t good enough to be his wife, her husband, their parent, their friend, etc”.
We start to think “If only I were like so and so I would have this or that or be this or that…” You fill in the blank.
Even if you say you haven’t struggled with this just keep reading. I would like to know what you might think or if you have any wisdom for someone you know that may be struggling.
We say to ourselves that we need to change this or that to be loved, to be accepted, to be good enough. But I would like to say that some people simply are wondering, even with good intentions, whether or not they are the “whole package.” If we are looking at other people we may ask-Do they have the brains and the brawn? Are they cool enough, sweet enough, spiritual enough…and so on. But if we are looking to others for our comparison-to answer the question of whether we are the “whole package,” we are bound to be disappointed and left feeling empty. (Also, throughout this it is probably a good idea to look at what the “whole package” looks like to you when you critique other people. Be realistic.)
See, we are all looking for the “whole package” in a spouse. If you are already married, hopefully you found that person that encompassed qualities that you knew you needed and wanted in a spouse-you found that person who you could spend the rest of your life with. That you could disagree with but still have love and respect, that you could laugh with, cry with-that person you could stand next to and feel safe, secure, and be content just being there with that person...that person who pushes you to be better, to do better, to love God more and more. If you are single and want to be married, well you obviously still have your open options, just be careful of what you deem important in the qualities of your “whole package” standard-for yourself and in the person you look to marry.
I will admit that I have thought about whether or not I possess those “whole package” qualities that I would deem essential in a life mate. But we can’t compare ourselves to OTHERS to determine if we are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. If you are a Christian believer, you should know what I am about to say next. We should only be comparing ourselves to the ONE who has all the qualities of a perfect person-Jesus Christ. The ironic thing that is that you are probably comparing yourself to someone who is also flawed thus attempting to adjust yourself in your own strength toward something that is not even a possibility.
So, stop worrying so much about whether you emulate the “whole package” that is in accordance with someone else’s opinion, including your own. Instead, strive to be what Christ emulated as the “whole package” in accordance with what God says about the characteristics of someone who is after His heart. Whether you are married, single, divorced, widowed…this will never ever steer you wrong. Let God shape the “package” He put you in, your heart, mind, soul, body. Then when other people see God emulated in you-they won’t be able to help but say, “Man, ___________ (put your name here) looks like someone I have heard about, oh yea, Christ…Humble, beautiful, kind, gentle, courageous, faithful, honest, etc.” That is the highest compliment-to radiate Christ. Do this and you will be the “whole package.”
Philippians 2:1-8 say this,
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Posts
